July 18, 2011

The Elite Running on Vacation Guide

So you've been doing great.  You're running everyday, you are eating healthy things such as carrots, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, orange creamsicles, etc.  You are looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself, but now comes the yearly camping trip where the only food allowed is something covered in grease and sugar.  You know, that special bacon that your awkward brother in-law seasons with sugar.  Even your healthy breakfast of oatmeal, isn`t so healthy when you cover it in bacon grease.  But this is the least of your worries, how will you be able to keep running while on your camping trip?

If this scenario sounds familiar than this guide is for you.  Yes, it is for you, the person reading this blog.  Before you head off on your camping trip, make sure you pack the essentials, running shoes, shorts, mosquito repellent, a will of iron, and a very comfortable mattress.  The running shoes and shorts are pretty self explanatory, while the mosquito repellent is as well, but the will of iron is a must as well as the comfy mattress, as you won't want to get up in the morning if your back is sore, and if you haven't slept very well.  You really don't need anything else for you camping trip, tents or campers are overrated, sleeping bags are unnecessary, and a change of clothes will just weigh you down Fatty McFatterson. 

When you get to the campsite, while you are sitting around the fire singing Tom Jones, and asking about pussy cats.  You are such a loser, we all know "She's a Lady" is a much better Tom Jones song.  Anyways while sitting around the campfire, take a big gulp of that mountain fresh campfire smoke.  Breathe it in again, then take some raw bacon and rub it all over your face, before eating it raw.  This will help to get over the bacon cravings that you are going to have.  It is best to do this early and just get over it. 

Make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour on the first night, as it is imperative to start your first morning off right.  As the sun shines on your face, at a bright and early 4:25 am, make sure you get up and Jump, just jump.  You aren't going to be able to sleep anymore anyways, so get your moldy but out of bed.  Put your shoes on, stretch and then run like the wind bullseye.  It's go time.  What do you mean you don't want to get out of bed?  Iron Will is more than just an awesome movie about the Iditarod, where is yours?  What do you mean its on vacation?  Suck it up Princess.  Don't you roll over and go back to sleep on me.  This guide is for you.

 Ya, I'm sure you will run twice as far tomorrow, whatever loser, go eat some bacon wrapped potato chips.

Thanks for making a mockery of the The Elite Running on Vacation Guide.