July 21, 2011

I had been running regularly, Monday to Friday, and then the injuries started to come.  The first injury was the ring finger toe on my left foot.  Because of the placement of the injury I had to take two days off of running.  That was alright because I got right back at and finished the week strong going on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  It was pretty impressive that I went, as my running partner had headed off for the summer. 

That Saturday I played in a recreational slow pitch tournament and while running with my cleats on my big toenail on my right foot came dislodged.  That slowed me down once again, as I ended up missing over a week of running.  It has healed up since and now I am back on track, but surprisingly, it is hard once again to get going full tilt.  It is somewhat amazing that after running for almost 2 months steadily, missing one week makes it hard to get back at it.  It just goes to show the importance of keeping at it.  Anyways this is the inspiration for this blog.  Yes, you needed to know what the inspiration is.  No, this is not a waste of your time.  Yes, you should keep on reading.

The Recovering from an Injury Guide

So you are the superstar runner now, you have changed your nationality to Kenyan.  You are the man/woman, at least technically you are.  You run hard, you run in the rain, you run in the snow (stupid Calgary, AB and its inclement weather).  You quite possibly would run in the nude, but you haven't gotten in that kind of shape yet, let alone it would just be uncomfortable without your bro/bra on.  While you are running you are invincible, yes you are Mark Wahlberg.  I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, you decide. 

When you are not running, you are still a big pansy, rose, daffodil, tulip, iris, dandelion, or any other generic flower used to denote weakness.  I didn't want to have to say it, but it is still the truth.  Ya, the truth hurts sometime.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and keep up the good work running.

Then the problem starts..............

The old big toenail injury, you know the one I am talking about.  Where your big toenail starts to fall off, and then jabs back into your toe.  It hurts, but you are tough.  You decide to go running anyways.  While putting on your shoes you realize "These are really nice laces, but maybe I should switch them out for some pink or some yellow laces."  What on earth are you thinking?  That doesn't even make sense.  What you really should have been thinking was "There is not a chance this is going to work, wow I really am a lady slipper."  Anyways, just go back to bed you filthy mule.  I don't know why you are a filthy mule.  Don't question the blog.

For some reason that stupid toenail injury is keeping you down.  Man that is so frustrating, you could just, well you could just, well I don't know what you could do, but you are not happy about it.  It is one little toe, maybe you should just cut it off.  * Editors note don't cut off any of your appendages just so that you can run, if you do, then you are an idiot, a grade A certified idiot.  I will send you a diploma in the mail.  While you are recovering maybe you could take up knitting, or some other manly hobby, but don't cut off your toe.  That is all.

While you wait for that injury to heal, you start to sleep in again and eat whatever you want.  Which consequently is a slab of butter with popcorn over top of it.  You seem somewhat depressed, like a part of you is missing.  What is wrong with you, running is for losers and people who are thin, attractive and healthy.  Wait a minute..............  You have become one of them.  Then it hits you,  you are Sparticus, a runner.

Your injury heals, you are ready to go, but it isn't easy jumping up to hardcore again.  You have to slowly break yourself back into the running game once again.  That starts with getting up in the morning, hitting the snooze button once or twice, then actually getting up.  Go for a small run, you know maybe 30 or 40 km.  At least that is what I started out with after my injury.  Oh, there seems to be an extra 0 in there, pay it no mind.  Just make sure that you start doing it everyday again because you are a runner.  Go chicken legs, go.



July 18, 2011

The Elite Running on Vacation Guide

So you've been doing great.  You're running everyday, you are eating healthy things such as carrots, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, orange creamsicles, etc.  You are looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself, but now comes the yearly camping trip where the only food allowed is something covered in grease and sugar.  You know, that special bacon that your awkward brother in-law seasons with sugar.  Even your healthy breakfast of oatmeal, isn`t so healthy when you cover it in bacon grease.  But this is the least of your worries, how will you be able to keep running while on your camping trip?

If this scenario sounds familiar than this guide is for you.  Yes, it is for you, the person reading this blog.  Before you head off on your camping trip, make sure you pack the essentials, running shoes, shorts, mosquito repellent, a will of iron, and a very comfortable mattress.  The running shoes and shorts are pretty self explanatory, while the mosquito repellent is as well, but the will of iron is a must as well as the comfy mattress, as you won't want to get up in the morning if your back is sore, and if you haven't slept very well.  You really don't need anything else for you camping trip, tents or campers are overrated, sleeping bags are unnecessary, and a change of clothes will just weigh you down Fatty McFatterson. 

When you get to the campsite, while you are sitting around the fire singing Tom Jones, and asking about pussy cats.  You are such a loser, we all know "She's a Lady" is a much better Tom Jones song.  Anyways while sitting around the campfire, take a big gulp of that mountain fresh campfire smoke.  Breathe it in again, then take some raw bacon and rub it all over your face, before eating it raw.  This will help to get over the bacon cravings that you are going to have.  It is best to do this early and just get over it. 

Make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour on the first night, as it is imperative to start your first morning off right.  As the sun shines on your face, at a bright and early 4:25 am, make sure you get up and Jump, just jump.  You aren't going to be able to sleep anymore anyways, so get your moldy but out of bed.  Put your shoes on, stretch and then run like the wind bullseye.  It's go time.  What do you mean you don't want to get out of bed?  Iron Will is more than just an awesome movie about the Iditarod, where is yours?  What do you mean its on vacation?  Suck it up Princess.  Don't you roll over and go back to sleep on me.  This guide is for you.

 Ya, I'm sure you will run twice as far tomorrow, whatever loser, go eat some bacon wrapped potato chips.

Thanks for making a mockery of the The Elite Running on Vacation Guide. 

July 7, 2011

Picking the Perfect Shoe

You've been running before, but it has never felt right, 
You saw a commercial on the paid programming last night.
It said something about the perfect shoe,
And how it would help to make a healthier you.
At first glance it seemed too perfect to be true,
That you had finally found the perfect fitting shoe.

The price said 4 easy payments of 49.95,
A price so egregious, you threw up inside.
But with a price so high, the shoe must be good,
You picked up the phone, just like they said you should.
You were running out of time for that perfect healthy you,
When you finally realized, that's not how you buy a shoe.


But how do you a buy a shoe, and does one type of shoe work for all?
No, they don't, but with this helpful guide we can save you from a fall.
First off, what type of arch do you have?
Are you flat footed, and walk like a calf?
If you are flat footed then a motion control shoe is for you,
If you have an high arch, you will have to try something new.

A cushion shoe will make your high arch sing,
As well as making you feel just like the King.
Thank you, thank you very much,
An average type of foot, you need some different stuff.
The type of shoe for that is a neutral type,
You can learn all about it over skype.

Now you are ready to go blow your money,
Good shoes are expensive, it's not even funny.
After trying on dozens of salesmen pitches,
You realize that you are not blessed with deep riches.
Some shoes feel great and others less so,
Wait this one's on clearance, just buy it and go.